“Aap baithiye aunty,” said a college-goer as I vacated my seat for her disabled friend. Between a bunch of giggly young girls with naive jokes about winters, warmth and boys I am being pushed towards a generation that I am not really willing to be part of. But every other day as I travel through the metro I realise that I am indeed growing old.
The 2nd day of the year and to be called ‘aunty’ right at the start is not a bad thing really. Especially when my son’s friends call me ‘aunty’. But hell, no.. this is killing me. Because really these girls aren’t my son’s age and I am not sure I will make friends of their parents.
The day has passed and the emotions have ebbed. I have realised that by pinning a younger profile picture on my blog or Facebook will not really make me younger. It will only deceive my virtual friends into believing that I am a stunner! :p
I have nothing against growing old. I love greying hair and I naturally dislike the habit of hair colour. I was born with paper thin skin that began wrinkling when I was in my early twenties. Appearances matter little to me…anyone who knows me will know its true. It isn’t growing old that I am worried about. I fear that as years roll by I am losing a grip of the younger me. The one who was a risk taker, an optimist, happier, confident and a go-getter. As I am growing old I am becoming someone I don’t necessarily like. And that is what worries me. An old grumpy, grouchy, wistful ‘aunty’…I definitely don’t wanna be that.
So perhaps it’s time to grow up and accept the vagaries of the mid-thirties. It’s time to brush away the cobwebs and clean the corners. Time to de-clutter and throw the baggage. Time to look up and not away. It’s time to begin where I never have. It’s time to change everything that I haven’t. The beginning of the year is a good time to dispel my mind’s fears and take charge of my life…
This new year I won’t set out my resolutions. I am not too good at setting goals. I give up too soon. I lack the discipline and motivation when it comes to achieving simple tasks. So no more resolutions of I will do this and that…a slight tweaking of priorities and life’s goals this year I hope to push out the negativity and weaknesses in my mind, heart and body.
So here you go…in no specific order a set of things I will NOT do in 2014:
1) I will not blame my laziness for every unfinished task in my life. That includes the cupboard!
2) I will not drown myself in self-doubt.
3) I will not believe anyone when they say “You cannot”.
4) I will not depend on someone to love me and make me feel important.
5) I will not assume that I am the centre of universe of another’s life…including my son’s!
6) I will not be apologetic for my emotions.
7) I will not be troubled by the voices in my head.
8) I will not be scared of risks.
9) I will not wait for help.
10) I will not give up the pursuit of happiness and good health.
So 2014…bring it on!