Last weekend when we walked into our favourite restaurant for lunch, we were told we had to wait. It was nearly 3 then and though I had munched after breakfast, the growls were slowly setting in. I smiled and said, of course we would! They were sweet enough to bring us all chairs to sit on…but about 10 minutes later I was at the edge of the seat! I stood up, looked around for an empty table…growl, growl, growl…the bump was about to throw a fit any minute! Thankfully, the table was soon found and I didn’t have to push the bump ahead!
I am what you would say a woman who has never taken advantage of being one! I mean, I am pushy but I am not pushy just because I am a woman. For instance, I don’t get into a bus or a metro and expect men to get up from their seats. Though there was a time when I’d stare so hard that the man sitting on a woman’s seat would almost melt under the glare! In most cases, I’d expect the man to stand up for a woman who needs it…an aged, infirm elder or even a pregnant woman. If the man turned out to be an imbecile, insensitive man I’d make myself heard! And it worked…
Today, the tables have turned and I find myself at the other end. For someone who has been so independent all her life, I am not comfortable pushing the bump around. I don’t like men holding the door for me. I don’t like someone walk slow for me. I don’t like it when someone offers to come over to my desk instead of me walking over! I don’t like the expressions that silently say, “Oh, it’s okay, she is pregnant!” I am not pushing the envelope here, and I am definitely not saying that having the bump has not changed anything about me. It has…and yes a lot! But despite all the changes in my body and mind, this is one trait that I find difficult to overcome.
Yesterday, our driver quit. It’s my last month at work and I won’t be needing a driver from August onwards. But there is still this one month of office that I will attend…Aniruddha is upset that we don’t have a driver…our parents are paranoid too! But I know I can manage this last leg…it’s not that I am in the 9th month and I can’t get behind the wheel! Thankfully, my car has been built for a woman with a bump! I am a safe driver, I buckle up and maintain my speed. I know I will be fine…but then the question creeps in…am I being too hard on myself? I have had friends read my journal and say how they’ve had to cook and take public transport all their nine months, and that I am lucky! I know, I am. But I cannot settle for an easy life even when I don’t need it…a few weeks down, perhaps I would have something else to say…but for now, I am thrilled to be behind the wheel! 😀
I’d like all the recent mommies to comment on this and help me out. Did you push your bump around? And is it okay to do so? And if yes…how can it be a guilt-free experience?